What to Do When You Feel ‘Undateable’ Because of Psoriasis

“I Gave Up on Dating for a Year…”

I deleted the apps. I stopped making eye contact with people. I even started dressing to not be noticed.

There was a point when I truly believed no one would ever love me with skin like this.

I had just come off a string of rejections. Some responses were subtle: people unmatched me after seeing a photo where I didn't cover the plaques.  Others were more direct. One guy said, “You should really get that checked out.” I had. For years.

I was tired of pretending. Tired of explaining. Tired of flinching every time I caught a glance at my own arms in the mirror.

So, I gave up.

And in that quiet space, I started to believe something much darker:
Maybe I really am undateable.

What This Article Covers

If you think love isn’t meant for you, read this article.

Here’s what we’ll explore together:

• Why that feeling of being “undateable” runs so deep
• Where it comes from (hint: it’s not just your skin)
• What you can do to start building back your confidence
• How others have come back from that dark place
• And most importantly: a reminder that you were never broken to begin with

The Weight of the Word: ‘Undateable’

It’s not just a word. It’s a verdict.

“Undateable” doesn’t mean you’re single. It doesn’t mean you're struggling to meet the right person. It means you’ve started to believe that something about you, something visible, unchangeable, unavoidable, makes you fundamentally unworthy of love.

That’s a heavy belief to carry.

It’s the kind of word that doesn’t shout. It whispers.

“Why would anyone swipe right on this?”
“They’ll leave when they see my back.”
“If I were them, I’d leave too.”
“What’s the point of trying?”

Sometimes, no one says these things to you. But you say them to yourself. Over and over, until they start to sound like truth.

And the more you internalize it, the more you start to act like it’s true:

• You don’t message back
• You cancel dates last minute
• You wear long sleeves on 90-degree days
• You stop looking people in the eye

Not because you’re dramatic. But because rejection has taught you that hiding hurts less than hope.

But that belief? That you are “undateable”?
It didn’t start with you.

Where the Feeling Comes From

The belief that you’re undateable doesn’t appear out of nowhere. The process develops gradually, accumulating incrementally over an extended period.

Maybe it started when someone flinched after touching your arm.
Or when a friend said, “Ew, what happened to your skin?” in front of a crowd.
Or when a date asked, “Is that contagious?”
Or when no one asked anything at all—they just disappeared.

For many people with psoriasis, rejection is subtle but steady.
It’s not one moment. It’s a hundred tiny ones.

And each time, it chips away at your sense of belonging.

Add to that:

• The relentless images of smooth, spotless skin in dating profiles and ads
• Friends who say, “Just be confident!” like that’s a light switch you haven’t flipped
• The exhaustion of covering up, moisturizing, managing flares, managing shame
• The invisible weight of always wondering if this time, they’ll walk away too

It’s no wonder the thought creeps in:

“Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the reason love hasn’t found me.”

But here’s the truth:
It’s not you. It’s the world you’ve been living in.

A world that celebrates filters over flaws.
That teaches people to value appearance before connection.
It rewards concealment and penalizes openness.

That’s where the feeling comes from.
But it doesn’t have to be where you stay.

You Are Not the Problem: Society Is

Let’s say it clearly:
You are not undateable.
You are living in a society that makes you feel that way.

It’s the world that taught us “perfect skin” is a requirement for love.
It’s dating culture that swipes left on anything that isn’t polished or filtered.
It’s the media that erases people with visible conditions from romance, intimacy, and beauty.

And when you’ve lived in that kind of world for long enough, it doesn’t matter how smart, kind, funny, or interesting you are, because you start believing your skin outranks all of it.

But here’s the truth:

• Psoriasis is not a moral failing.
• It is not a red flag.
• It is not something you “should have fixed by now.”
• And it is absolutely not something that makes you less deserving of love.

You didn’t fail at dating.
You’ve been trying to date in a culture that wasn’t built to see people like you clearly.

And yet, here you are. Still hoping. Still trying. Still carrying a soft heart even when the world has been hard.

That is not weakness.
That is strength.

How to Start Rebuilding Your Dating Confidence

If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought, “What’s the point?”. This part is for you.

Confidence isn’t about pretending your skin doesn’t bother you.
It’s about reconnecting with your worth even when it does.
It’s not about pushing down fear. It’s about building up self-respect so the fear doesn’t run the show.

Let’s take it step by step.

1. Redefine Self-Care

Self-care is not about “fixing” your skin so someone else will accept it.
Caring for your body is essential, as it merits thoughtful attention and respect.

Try:

• Moisturizing not just for comfort, but as a loving ritual
• Wearing clothes that feel good on your skin—not just what hides it
• Eating meals that nourish you, not punish you
• Saying “no” to plans when your body needs rest

Confidence grows in the small, quiet moments when you treat yourself like someone worth caring for.

2. Challenge the Voice in Your Head

You know the one:

“No one will want you.”
“You’ll always be alone.”
“You’re too much.”

Start noticing when that voice shows up. Then respond.

“That’s not true. I’m still here. I’m still worthy.”
“My skin is not a barrier to connection. It’s just skin.”
“I’ve survived things most people don’t understand. I am strong.”

You don’t have to believe it fully at first. You just have to say it louder than the lie.

3. Reconnect with Others Who Understand

One of the most powerful ways to rebuild confidence is to stop isolating.

Find community:

• Join psoriasis support forums or Reddit threads
• Follow creators who live openly with chronic skin conditions
• Share your story if and when you're ready, no pressure, just truth

When you see others living freely with their skin, something inside you softens.
You realize you’re not alone. You never were.

4. Set Your Own Dating Pace

If dating apps feel toxic, take a break.
If you’re not ready to share your story, don’t.
If you want to try again, do it when it feels like your choice.

Confidence is not about forcing yourself forward.
It’s about moving on your terms, in your time.

Even one small choice like showing your real photo, or telling a friend how you’re feeling is a win. Every small step counts.

Try Again When You’re Ready (Not When You’re Fixed)

You don’t need to be “healed” to be lovable.
You don’t need to wait for your skin to clear to feel wanted.
You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of someone saying, “I see you and I’m not going anywhere.”

That’s the lie the world sells us:
“Once you fix your body, you’ll deserve love.”
“Once your skin is under control, you can try dating again.”
“Once you’re more confident, then you’ll be attractive.”

But here’s the truth:
You are already enough.
Not in spite of your skin but with it.

Love Doesn’t Just Happen to the Flawless

Some people won’t be able to handle it. That’s okay.
Let them leave. Let them make space for the ones who will stay.

The right people won’t flinch.
They’ll ask questions without pity.
They’ll touch your skin gently, like it’s nothing to fear.
They will include you, not despite your condition, but because they value you as an individual.

You Are More Than Your Psoriasis

You are your sense of humor.
You are the way you check on your friends.
You are your playlists, your resilience, your stories.
You are the person who kept going even when it felt impossible.

Psoriasis may be part of your story, but it is never the whole story.

Try again when you feel ready, not when you think you're fixed. You were never broken.

Final Words: You Were Never Undateable

In case it has not yet been mentioned:

You were never undateable.
Not when you were hiding your arms under sweaters in July.
Not when you cried in the bathroom after someone ghosted you.
Not when you looked at your reflection and didn’t recognize your own skin.

That pain? It’s real.
But it was never proof of your unworthiness.

People left, yes.
Matches disappeared.
Strangers judged what they didn’t understand.
But that doesn’t define your capacity to be loved.

It only defines their ability to see you clearly.

You Deserve a Love That Stays

A love that doesn’t hesitate.
A love that listens.
A love that says, “Tell me what helps when you flare. I want to learn.”

And before that love arrives?
You deserve to speak gently to yourself.
You deserve to see yourself as more than your skin.
You deserve to rest, and recover, and rebuild in your own time.

You are not the exception to love.
You are not the outlier.
You are not the warning label.

You are the story that still has chapters to write.

Start again when you're ready.
The world doesn’t get to decide your worth.
You do.

And you were never undateable.

You Are Still Allowed to Hope

Maybe right now you're not ready to try again.
Maybe you’re still hurting. Maybe the silence after rejection still echoes too loudly.

But let this be a gentle reminder:

You’re still allowed to hope.
You’re allowed to want connection, even if the last one ended in pain.
You’re allowed to believe that someone will love you completely, psoriasis and all.

Hope doesn’t mean rushing. It doesn’t mean forcing.
It simply means keeping the door cracked open. Just enough light to see forward.

Even if it takes time.
Even if you’re scared.
Even if your skin never clears the way you wish it would.

You are still allowed to hope.
Because you are still deeply worthy of being seen, chosen, and loved.

And you always were.

Need Support While You Rebuild? Start Here.

If you’re working on believing in love again, or just need to feel less alone, these stories and guides can help you take the next step at your own pace.

Further Reading

If you're rebuilding hope or beginning to trust again, these supportive guides will walk you forward with clarity and confidence:

• Dating with Psoriasis: How to Build Confidence and Connection
  Building connection starts with confidence. Find empathetic insights, conversation tools, and how to lean into vulnerability with strength.
• How to Talk About Psoriasis Without Feeling Embarrassed
  Find the right words, tone, and timing to share your story without shame or overthinking.
• Should I Tell My Date I Have Psoriasis?
  Learn how to share on your terms, when the time feels right, and with authenticity, not anxiety.

References

• Dating with a Visible Skin Condition – Healthline
  Practical tips for managing online dating with a visible skin condition—how to stay authentic, respectful, and confident on dating platforms.
  

• Real Couples Share How Their Chronic Skin Conditions Impact Their Relationships – POPSUGAR
  Includes candid insights from couples living with chronic skin conditions like psoriasis, highlighting how care, adjustments, and empathy shape their relationships.